Title: Sin
Disclaimer: This plot has completely no relation with the Cross Academy, but the character DO make an appearance there; and Vampire Knight belongs to Matsuri Hino.
Characters: ... :DDD
Genre: Angst, Romance
Summary: -N/A- {Read for yourself~}
Note: Gah! Hopefully this won't be turned into a two-shot because of its length... >.>;; Unfortunately, this might be a futile attempt in writing romance... {P.S. Uh... First part of this is written in somebody's P.O.V. while the second half is in Kazue's P.O.V}

--

It was the end of the beginning; one word, one word had said it all. I had no idea where I was, but I didn’t really care either. My beginning was gone, and it disappeared forever for all I know.

My notepad was no where to be seen for once, and strangely, I did not feel that I was missing anything without it. Or possibly... I had been missing too much that the small, single detail had slipped from my mind.

Was this really happening, or was I just hallucinating?

Is this the final outcome? I asked myself bitterly. Kazue, please come ba-- I stopped myself in the middle of the sentence. Kazue, my best and only friend, had too, left me. It wasn’t her fault that she got fed up with me.

It was my fault.

With a hasty and sarcastic 'salutations', she boarded the train to a destination of no return. I watched her go silently, saying nothing to stop her.

Was I really that ignorant and independent? Do I really have no possible way of living without being... Alone?

The thoughts bounced around my head painfully, hitting me harder and harder with each blow, all trying to grasp the fact that something so important to me, my dream, the only thing that kept me alive, had destroyed the life that I was used to have and made all my friends-- no, friend, shy away.

Kazue...

Looking at the bleak, cloudless gray sky above me with the hopeful sun behind it making a failed attempt to emerge only increased and confirmed my thoughts that I have no hope. No way. No chance of continuing on my pointless life. My mind was locked and frozen in a place where the glass was half empty and the jug ran dry.

Kazue... I'm sorry...

The sad gaze that she gave me was haunting me even this day, and the words that she spoke hurt my heart even more that her expression.

"I'm not a reason for you to stay... Right?"

The words had always echoed in my head in those, restless, sleepless nights that I experienced.

We, Kazue and I, had promised each other to stay together for eternity, never taking one step away from one another, but... Things are different now, much different... Or maybe a promise just isn't a guarantee.

Kazue, the only person who had aided me... The only person who had tried to become friends with me... And only one who had supported me no matter what situation I was in.

How can I just turn her down and leave her like that?

My strength was sapped away from me, gone; I tried lifting my numb body off the snow but was unable to melt my frozen joints. A pity Kazue isn't here to laugh. Pity.

It was as if they are all trying to tell me that it was the end, there was no more to it, and that the only one that I had left has gone too. I looked down. All that as there was a continuous mass of white snow, powder, ice; pain by any name. It constricted my soul, it hindered, and it was the sadistic 'no' to the sun's welcoming 'yes'.

The falling flakes only made the pain grow, creating even more as it piled on my head, shoulders, and my pants as I sat with only a single branch of defense against its bitter powers.

As my hands become senseless and my once crimson lips become blue, my mind came to a sudden halt, just as the rest of my body had.

Is this fate? Was it meant to be? Did it have to end up like this? These thoughts were left to drift with the snowflakes. I looked at my right gloved hand, then towards the tunnel where my life had left through without a goodbye. Then I looked at my left, then to the 'sun' where fresh life began again with a newborn splendor.

I let out a distressed sigh that was rarely heard from me. Choices were painful and difficult, but dependency on something dear... Was deadly and regrettable. I grasped the snow in both of my hands, feeling the sharp, sudden bite even with the protection of my gloves.

There was emptiness where I occupied, but there was pain and more pain everywhere else in the cruel world that never fails to crush an already shattered dream. I just don't care about anything anymore.

Nothing kept me from walking to the other side now. Even if I was given a second chance from here, I would still take the exact same path.

Yes, the same path.

If only Kazue-- no... She'd absolutely despise me now, after all that.

"I'm not a reason for you to stay... Right?" The words echoed in my head again, and I couldn’t help but to let a smile grace my features.

You are the reason why I am doing this now, Kazue. I thought and closed my eyes, maybe for the last time.

I was ready to make a decision, but the decision was no ready for me to make. So I remained sitting, to face the consequences, whatever they may be. Kazue would have wanted me to suffer, anyways.


"I'm not a reason for you to stay... Right?"

~+~

A whisper of wind swirls lazily outside, lifting a handful of dry leaves to fling them against the window. I clench my fist tightly until I feel my muscles scream in protest.

It is unbearable. The pain eats away at my flesh like acid, numbing my senses. It was not a physical pain; it would be so much easier to handle if it were just that. No... I would handle that perhaps too well... I have been through physical pain countless times, and this was nothing compared to the other pains I've undergone.

What I suffer from... What is choking me is the regret and the sorrow slowly consuming my heart... This pain is emanating from inside my very heart, enveloping every part of me. The entire world appears dark in my eyes. It was all because of him...

He looked so desperate when I boarded the train... His eyes were dulled with despair; that... Was the last time I saw him.


He was gone. Gone... He’s gone...

The same thought ran through my head over and over again.

My best friend, was gone, and it was all my fault.

All of my thoughts are about him, the one who I helped when he got into fights; whom I always supported no matter what situation I was in... Furthermore, he was my only friend when we were growing up, with the exception of Zero.

He was like my second brother, whom I had occasionally argued with... But who had always been there for me whenever I needed him and vice versa.

He cared too much... He clung to life just to see me again...

I rose to my feet, swaying alarmingly on legs numb and frail from sitting in the same position for days. I cross to the window and hesitate, wanting to see outside but at the same time not wanting faint sunlight to touch my skin.

I step aside from the window. In the same instant, the air in the room distorts with an imaginary blast, causing the curtains to spring open. Even with the coldness and disorientation inside my heart, to focus in an enclosed room is still no great accomplishment for me.

I turn my face away and shield my closed eyes with my hands as sunlight streams in, flooding the room with its glow, seeping into every crack and crevice and banishing the darkness.

But with the light comes the shadows. They are symbiotic, each unable to exist without the other.

The shadows leap into being along with the light, throwing the outlines of the chair and of myself against the wall. My own shadow ripples and moves across the wall as I move, positioning myself in front of the window.

Without the shadows, light would have no purpose. And without light, shadows could not come into being...

My wide eyes take in the tiled roof outside; a few plain plants, unidentifiable without their spring blooms.

Light, or darkness... If I were to be one, which would it be? Balance is essential... But... Am I grey? Grey, the nothingness?

I turn away from the window. My shadow stretches across the floor and wall. I hear footsteps outside my door and the curtains fly closed again. I resume my seat in time for the door to open.

It was Zero.

My eyes have adjusted to the darkness again and I shield them, waiting for the light to stop hurting them. He approached me slowly, as if taking note of where he stepped on.

"K-Kazue...?" He called out hesitantly, "Are you hungry...?"

I turned my head away in disdain.

"Just try something... You are only fourteen, why are you trying to kill yourself...?"

A dark smile appeared on my face.

Kill myself... That sounds like a good idea.

Horror registered in his eyes as he realizes his mistake, "... I mean... Starve yourself..."

"..."

"I mean... I was trying to ask why aren't you willing to eat anything?"

Yuki entered at this moment, the plastic tray she holds is filled with fresh fruits and ramen. At the sight of it my empty stomach contracts; I swallowed with difficulty and averted my eyes from the food.

Please take it away... I can’t stand to look at it...

She looked crestfallen as I ignored the sweet aroma of the food. She set the tray down and crouched before me, gazing into my face.

"I know you’re upset about... Him," she says quietly, "but... There's still a chance that you can find him, right?"

Can find... Of course, I could have stayed... I thought bitterly.

Yuki's attempt at trying to snap me out of my depression did not work well; in fact, it only succeeded in making me angry. With a hiss the curtains fly closed again as if on cue, plunging the room into darkness.

In a swift attempt, I took Zero's Bloody Rose and disabled the safety device, pointing it at the side of my head and forced one word out, my voice cold and harsh.

"Leave."

Terrified, she scrambled to her feet and sprints for the hallway, barely making it outside before I slammed the door shut.

I tossed away the piece on my bed. I had only used it to scare her, there were no bullets loaded in there anyway...

--

In times of despair, I have heard that some people turned to unbelievable processes to cease or take their minds off the emotional anguish. Some of them swallow capsules containing poison. Some consume large amounts of liquor that removes their inhibitions and eventually leaves them with a sickness of the liver. Some try to pretend that the terrible event had never happened, until the pain consumes them and either they go crazy, or their families send them to a hospital for disorders of the mind.

I tried to cope with the ridiculous pain at first. I tried to block it out, tried to accept what had really happened and pretend it no longer pained me and that I had moved on with my life. But then, I felt myself begin to give away slowly. I refused to travel or even go outside; each trip only reminded me more of the event. I no longer slept as often; instead, I sat and watched the stars.

Should I just accept it? He said that acceptance always made him feel better... I would like to... But I can’t...

Why?

Eventually I became unable to hold the pain back any longer. The mental barriers I had built gave way and I began to cry for the very first time since... Forever. That was when I first hid myself away in this room.

My mind was flooded with loving memories of my best friend... I stopped eating and slept even less. I simply sat listening to the rain pounding against the window, allowing the occasional tear to trickle down my cheeks.

I felt barely any emotions; the despair would not yield enough for me to feel anything else; all I knew was that I no longer wanted company or sympathy...

Why am I staying here? What is stopping me from simply leaving?

I cross to the window and grip the edge, the curtains parting at my touch, the sunlight spilling onto my face once more.

... I have no reason to stay.

I leaned against the window ledge and gazed outside. Making up my mind, I perched on the edge and swung both legs over the wood. I am now half outside the room. I allowed myself to slide out, landing lightly on the rough tiles.

But if I fall and hurt myself...

Hesitantly I moved to the edge and glanced down, feeling a sense of vertigo even though I am not very high up.

It will hurt if I slip and fall... I could break a bone... Or maybe even die if I break a nasty fall.

I took a step closer to the edge, suddenly, wondering why I am so afraid of pain-- no, I can't really feel pain...

Silver...

That's it. Silver. All I need was for someone to stab me with something silver... Or, I do it myself.

The knife on that platter... That'd do just fine.

I leveled the knife to my neck, taking a deep breath before putting in as much pressure I could.

This is the end.

My thoughts are barely coherent now. I must've nearly killed myself until I heard a voice.

"Don't."

I lift my eyes in confusion, but a rush of relief and delight flows through my mind as I see him approach me.

He looked both happy and angry at the same time, but a small, genuine smile that I hadn't seen for years was on his face, and he offered me his hand.

Nothing else matters anymore except that we are together once more. I reached out and took his hand in mine. "Senri," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him.

This is all that matters.

-Owari-

---

... Okay, it sucks. And... It's random... >.>;;

~Eden